I’ve said it many times to my friends, family, and those who ask about my missionary life … this job is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I’m not saying that to complain. I’m saying it because that’s how I know it’s God’s doing. I have never in my life been the person to go after a challenge. I know people who love a challenge, and honestly, I don’t understand them! I want the easiest, most efficient way to do something. And if it’s not easy, I’m probably not going to try for very long. So when I say this work is hard, I’m saying, Thank you, Lord, for the strength you give me to do it! Because I certainly could not do it on my own.
So what makes it worth it?
Being hugged by a child?
Being told by a Dominican that they’re blessed and honored that I would come here?
Seeing a child’s attitude change after an encounter with Jesus?
All these things make it worth it.
What if no child ever hugged me? What if no one told me, “Good job!” What if I didn’t see anyone come to Jesus? Would it still be worth it?
I’m not the best about sitting down and having a long prayer time with God. But, I am definitely talking to him all day. Questions, praises, requests, and just conversation. And I find myself telling him sometimes, “I just need something. I need to see You working. I need to know You’re in this.”
It’s me, doubting.
It’s me, needing affirmation.
It’s me, being HUMAN.
The truth is, God asks for my obedience, no matter the outcome. My obedience is being here. My obedience brings honor to God. And that is what makes it worth it. My purpose is to glorify God. That is where my worth is found. And if I never see any results of my obedience on Earth, it really shouldn’t matter. My responsibility is to glorify God, and I want to do that through obedience.
I’d end there, but I confess I’m so thankful God understands our humanness and does give us what we ask for, even when we really don’t need it, or deserve it. I’m glad the children hug me. I am honored by the kinds words of the Dominicans. I rejoice that one of my students has been changed by the power of the blood of Christ. Thank you, Lord.