You graduate high school. You go to college. You meet that guy. You get married. You have kids.
That was how life went. That’s what I thought. But then it didn’t happen.
New plan. You wait. You wait for love. You wait for marriage. You wait for sex.
That was how life would go. But I kept waiting, and nothing happened.
And I got so tired of waiting. It was discouraging and frustrating, and it made me angry. I was doing everything right, and I wasn’t getting what I wanted! So why keep waiting? Waiting is the worst!
So I stopped waiting. I went my own way, and did my own thing, and not in a good and holy way. But, I did not find what I thought I was looking for. Instead, I found conviction. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for speaking truth to me when I was in sin. While I was in this, “Forget waiting! It’s never coming to me the right way!” I came across a blog about “waiting.” I wish I could remember it, so I could link you to it, because it opened my eyes to what Jesus wanted. What Jesus wants.
It said something along these lines, or at least this is how it spoke to me: “Your purity is not about your future husband. It’s about obedience to your Holy Savior. You shouldn’t be waiting, you should be obeying. Your love for Jesus should motivate you to walk in holiness.” If you’re waiting, you’re expecting something. And sorry, but you’re not promised marriage, husband, sex. You’re not. I’m not. And waiting for those things… that’s when I became discontent, frustrated, angry. And anger led to sin. Like Moses, like Abraham, like so many of us humans (ok, all of us, at times), I decided my way was better. I was wrong.
So I stopped waiting—this time, in a good and holy way.
The answer begins with a deep love for Jesus, a love that pours out in obedience.
Contentment is the result.
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
I find that when I am content, I’m not looking, I’m not waiting. And you know that “When you’re not looking for it, it will come?” Don’t say that. ever. Because if that’s the mindset, then you really ARE looking. You’re just pretending you’re not, thinking it will work some kind of magic. I know this because I did it. Don’t lie to yourself.
But when I’m truly content in each moment, the things that come my way are blessings, and the things that don’t come are never missed because I was already in a state of contentment. A life of waiting is a life wasted.
So, I’m approaching my 38th birthday, and I’m single. I’ve never been married, and I’ve never had a relationship for any longer than 3 months. And sure, I get lonely at times. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But when I’m giving, loving, serving, when I’m content in this amazing life I have, I don’t feel lonely. I’m not waiting. I’m living.